When I think back over the past year of pastoring, many moments stand out, but none of them have anything to do with a sermon or a service. What has been most impactful are the hospital visits, sitting with families in the midst of tragedy, and having the privilege of being there for some of the most meaningful and hardest moments in the life of a family.
I’ve held newborn babies, visited families in the ICU and had the joy of watching a new family start. Through all of this, I’ve learned that I’d rather be a pastor than a preacher.
I enjoy preaching. I enjoy explaining the Word of God, and I love seeing people actively apply what God’s Word says. But I find much more joy in the relationships and responsibilities of being a pastor.
The best compliment I have received this year was not, “That man can preach.” It happened on back-to-school night when a little girl in our church saw me, quickly grabbed her teacher and excitedly exclaimed, “That’s my pastor!”
That is something I will never forget, and it means more to me than I can explain. One of the biggest blessings of ministry is simply being known as their pastor, not just their preacher.
My prayer throughout this year as a 26-year-old, first-time pastor with no family history of ministry has often been the prayer of Solomon in 1 Kings 3. God tells Solomon, “Ask what I shall give thee.” Solomon doesn’t ask for riches, fame or an easy life. Instead, in 1 Kings 3:7-9, he basically says, “God, You’ve put me in a position I don’t feel qualified for. I don’t know what I’m doing, and these are Your people, not mine. Give me the wisdom and discernment I need to lead them well.”
I can’t tell you how many days I spend questioning what in the world God was thinking when He called me to do this, but I always come back to the words of Solomon. My prayer is simply, “Father, I have no idea what You see in me. I have no ministry family to lean on or past experience to pull from. Lord, like Solomon, I need Your wisdom because Your people are many and I am young. I need Your wisdom and discernment. Lord, do a work in spite of me. Amen.”
One of the biggest encouragements I could give to anyone in ministry is to build a team of mentors. I have a group of men that I call or text almost daily with questions, ideas or simply to talk through a problem. It has been such a blessing. They challenge me and hold me accountable, and I am so thankful for their friendship and for the way they pour into me and the church.
The hardest part of this year has been the constant feeling that I need to do more, be more, give more and go more. I have a constant burden that I’m not doing enough or being enough.
If I’m honest, I have a fear of failure. Sometimes I feel like every decision determines whether I succeed or not, whether God is proud or not, and whether I deserve the role or not. I obviously see the problem there: the constant use of the word “I.” But the reality of this year is that Satan often uses my lack of experience to make me feel inadequate and useless.
We had a tough quarter this year, and I remember walking into my office and realizing again that it’s not me who makes this successful. This isn’t my church. It’s God’s church. As long as we serve Him well, preach the gospel and, as Paul says, live worthy of the gospel, then we are doing what He has called us to do.
I love what Charles Stanley said: “Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him.”
It’s my job to be faithful. The results belong to God.
I am the pastor, but He is the Shepherd.
I find great comfort in knowing that only Christ can save, only God can bless and only the Holy Spirit can convict. God works in spite of me every day, and I am so thankful for His hand and faithfulness.
I often pray a prayer similar to Jabez: “Lord, bless us. Protect us. Guide us and give us influence in this community.”
After this first year, I still have a lot to learn, and I know there will be plenty of days when I question whether I know what I’m doing. But I am thankful God has given me the privilege of being a pastor. I pray that He continues to give me the wisdom to care for His people well and the faithfulness to do what He has called me to do.
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