Pastor Keith Blake of Tulsa, Oklahoma, declares confidently that the first comprehensive ministry established by the early church was designed primarily to meet the needs of widows (Acts 6). He asks why churches today have not kept up a conscious, directed effort to do the same in the 21st century.
That question prompted Keith to begin the Widow’s Might for the 21st Century, a ministry to address the needs of the widowed. While there are large stores of material and resources for specialized ministries of nearly every sort, churches and pastors will not find many resources to begin a ministry to the widowed in their churches and communities will not find much. To correct that omission, Keith has designed a way for local churches to not only meet their obligation to the widowed in their congregations, but for community outreach as well.
Keith has written a book, an excerpt of which is printed here, and he has a website for more help and information, www.widowsmight21st. com. The Tribune is pleased to commend this worthy ministry to churches and pastors who want to fulfill an ancient biblical obligation.
Excerpt from Chapter 8: Training an Elite Force for Ministry
by Keith Blake
When one allows his mind to focus on the term “Elite Force,” most likely his thought will go to the armed services; the Marines, the Navy Seals, the Green Berets, the Blue Angels. Every branch of the armed forces has their special teams who are recognized for their intense training and combat readiness. These teams have been trained, tested and prepared to an unbelievable level in readiness for the ultimate on the field of engagement. Their physical, mental, emotional, survival, and sensory skills have been “honed” almost beyond our imagination. In the process of their training they are confronted with most every known situation to which they could be exposed during a mission. Besides the “known” threats and foreseeable challenges, there has been developed in them an awareness and capability to devise a plan to deal with the unsuspected and unforeseen developments they may confront in the act of fulfilling their ordered mission. Only when they have been “battle tested” does the full magnitude of their conditioning show its value by allowing them to survive and face their next objective in victory.
There are multiplied thousands of people in every community and in every country in this world who have experienced the most dramatic and potentially devastating battle in life, the “event” that made them a widow or widower. I stated previously that I believe that losing a spouse is the most devastating experience a man or woman will ever face. No amount of reading, discussion, and advanced preparation or, in cases of lengthy illness, the sad reality of their impending loss, can prepare a person for that loss. One Texas lady stated, “This is not something you would ever choose to go through yourself and you would never wish it on another human being, ever.” This lady wrote me a 22-page letter when she heard of my desire to begin this writing.
Since no two scenarios are even close to being similar, it would not be possible, or even wise, to try to approach clinically listing the stages in the procedures to follow in dealing with widowhood. Since no two relationships mirror each other, the only common ground is that they have lost a spouse in death. That common thread is the only “level ground” you will find as you approach the reality of a “Widow’s Might” ministry.
One of the most unique characteristics of the Widow’s Might ministry is that it can become totally self-sufficient. Granted, there must first be a pastor, church, or senior group who will embrace with compassion the thousands of people from every walk of life who are widows. Then, the logical steps of providing the place and an open heart and mind as to how to best proceed in your family, church, or community come next. The next step is unique to the beginning of most new ministry endeavors because the staff, counselors, teachers, mentors, etc., are within the widows and widowers themselves. In a church setting the pastor, deacons, and facilities are absolutely necessary to ensure the proper guidance in counsel for the establishment and maintenance of this ministry.
Often the most credible helpers as far as a widow is concerned are those, probably within our own number, who with some degree of success, have and are navigating these waters themselves. Sometimes the person who first crosses our mind when we think of widowhood will be the most recently widowed person we know. Our heart goes out to them and we are overcome by our desire to help and comfort them. While there is no substitute for the involvement of the pastor, church family and genuinely close personal friends, real long term help will best be realized in people who passed through this experience themselves.
How many times have I heard a widow say about someone who has just had a loss, “I really hope someone will tell them, warn them or help them with the things they’re about to face.” My response is, “Well, why don’t you do that, since the Lord has surely put that person on your heart, he must want you to take an active part.” In the absence of a directed ministry, designed with situations like this in mind, their comeback is, “But I wouldn’t want to intrude into his or her space at this time.” Timing is a sensitive subject when dealing with hurting hearts and yet the same Holy Spirit that ministers to hearts in regards to salvation is certainly capable of leading and opening opportunities for a sincerely interested friend. Enough said.
No one will ever understand or be better qualified or better received than someone who has experienced the same loss. While this writer is not experienced here, and hope I will not be for a very long time, I have noticed in almost every attempt to minister to those who have lost someone, there is a very real “gap” in my ability to sympathize with a widow. I have already shared my misuse of the phrase, “I know how you must feel,” in a previous chapter. As a 23-year-young pastor in the early seventies, God gave me a ministry changing realization: I did not need to know everything about everything. I could “hand off” that vital operation to those much better equipped and qualified than I was, and in the process gain the highest degree of respect and love by both sides of that equation. What I found out as a very young pastor, was that “right under my nose” God had given me people who have been trained in the trenches of life, who could better minister to others and be able to realize some “purpose” from their own loss.
While gathering material and composing this writing, I was talking to a successful businessman who shared that years before when faced with his loss, “I did everything wrong, I just went crazy. I was so angry I went with the wrong crowd, tried to find answers in a bottle and nearly died myself before someone who really cared ‘threw me a rope.’” You see, even someone who made major mistakes in how they dealt with their grief can become a very effective warning sign for someone else. I can tell you this man allowed God to gain victory in his life and now years later is a very effective force for good in the ministry of the gospel.
This chapter division, “Preparing an Elite Force for Ministry,” is the crescendo we have been looking for in this writing. It is my contention that the ever-increasing senior population (continually growing through 2040) is, and will continue to be an immeasurable asset for the spreading of the gospel. This generation of seniors is retiring in better health and with more good years to become a major force in our society than ever before. Many will actually begin “second careers” or devote themselves to special mission and ministry projects that they have a special burden or talent to pursue. Every financial and investment business in America knows that in the next 30 plus years trillions worth of dollars, properties and assets that are currently being held or managed by this “baby boomer” generation will be passed down. This will perhaps be the first generation that has the health, wealth and longevity that can help turn the corner “for the good” in many need-based areas of ministry.
Those who must deal with widowhood will continue to make up an ever-increasing part of this segment of the population. Add to this the stifling number of widows produced by the criminal element of our world, plus the potential for accidental death and you will begin to understand the magnitude of the need.
While the spectrum of widowhood reaches from the destitute to the dignitary, the physical, emotional and spiritual effects and needs are the same. The transition from spouse to widow is equally traumatic for a person regardless of their geographic location or their economic strata. Following is one recent account of just such a situation.
“A nice looking young man came to my door and told me that his company was doing a paving job in my small town and they had some leftover asphalt. Rather than having to dispose of it, would it be all right if he just put it on my driveway for a ‘very good price.’ He seemed so genuine, I agreed. In just a few moments one side of my driveway was covered with asphalt. When I asked him about the other side, I was told it would take an additional $12,000.00 to do that side. In shock I said, ‘Well, how much have we already spent?’ ‘Only $5,000.00,’ was his reply. So that is why only one side of my driveway is paved.”
It is sad, but instances like this happen more times than we care to admit. This lady felt violated, victimized, stupid and mad at her deceased husband for leaving her alone. While she survived her experience and has not declared war on all contractors, she has become a consultant to others who need instruction, help, prayers and a friendly face. No program can solve all the problems in any community, but the presence of a “ministry force” widows could have confidence in and not feel threatened would be priceless.
Far beyond the obvious benefits of having a support base supplying information, help and encouragement, there is the need and opportunity to minister real recovery help from a spiritual perspective as a person transitions through the minefield of hurts, emotions and realities of losing a spouse, but it must come from solid Biblical principles. A Bible-based approach to dealing with grief, loss and the re-establishment of direction, is of absolute necessity when one faces widowhood.
One remaining subject must be addressed before this chapter is closed. What about the disturbing number of widowed men and women in our communities who are not church affiliated? They bleed too! Their sense of loss and their transitions are just as great, if not greater, than those who have the Christian family and background. Although they may not share our faith, they do share the same feelings and loss. What better opportunity to reach out with compassion to a hurting heart than to help them deal with their loss. Whether they ever become a believer or not, and some will, we will have shown the quality and the validity of our own faith as we exercise the truth of James 1:27 –
“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the father is this, to visit the fatherless and widowed in their affliction, and to keep one’s self unspotted from the world.”
ELLEN
Ellen and her husband had raised a family of two children quite successfully and had entered the wonderful state of being grandparents. He had retired from a career with the phone company and was now doing the thing he’d always wanted to do, operate his father’s farm. He, more than she, was really in his element. He loved farming and acquired more land and was very involved doing the job he really loved. While only in his mid fifties, he looked forward to many years of successful farming. Ellen busied herself helping her husband, maintaining their home and church responsibilities. Life was good in southwest Oklahoma.
In retrospect, Ellen tells me they should have known something was wrong when he just couldn’t shake that persistent cough. They had exhausted all home remedies because of hectic schedules and no time for doctors, when finally the diagnosis was given — lung cancer — an extremely aggressive type.
In just over a month from the diagnosis the funeral was held. Ellen was now the sole operator of a farming operation with hundreds of acres under cultivation along with all the animals and equipment.
Ellen has been one of my biggest encouragements as I began to tell her of my desire for the Widow’s Might program. This woman could teach the course.