Choosing the best gifts for everyone on your Christmas list
by Kevin Carson
Ah, the pressures of the Christmas gift list. What do you buy and why? Did you know there are principles from Proverbs to aid you in choosing the best gifts for everyone on your list this Christmas? Before you skim the rest of the article looking for specific items to purchase, don’t be disappointed that there are no specific gifts mentioned (you can go to my web page for that — free shipping if you do so in the next 30 minutes! — not really). The idea is not to tell you what is a good or bad, right or wrong, perfect or imperfect gift. Instead, I will at least help get you on the path of wisdom as you seek to buy, make, or somehow provide the best gifts for those on your list — and we won’t even consider if the recipient has been good or bad this year (I often fail that one).
The Perfect Gift-Giver
Before we consider the perfect gift, it is important to consider the perfect gift-giver. There is no better example of the perfect gift-giver than God: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17).
This passage says several things about gift-giving. First, the character of the gift-giver makes the gift what it is. God’s every gift is consistent with His character, and is an extension of who He is.
Second, every gift is given with the gift-receiver in mind. God, who does not sin, can only give good and perfect gifts, always appropriate for the recipient. God provides gifts in the perfect timing, in the perfect amount, in the perfect manner, and to the appropriate person. So every gift from God then is both for our good, and ultimately for His glory.
Finally, every gift is given with the proper motivation. As such, every gift provided to us from God is an expression of His love. Jesus Christ, whose birth we celebrate at Christmas, is the greatest example of the perfect gift from God.
So, the Christmas gift list begins with you. Do you see your gifts as representations of who you are and what you value as a person? Do you consistently choose gifts with the good of the gift-receiver in mind — a gift that is best for the receiver’s life situation? Do you consistently choose gifts with the glory of God in mind? What about your motivation for giving gifts? Are you motivated by love for the recipient and God or some other false motivation like fear of man, or opportunity for reputation-building, or hope of a gift in return, or craving the love of the gift-receiver, or some other variation of a less-than-pure heart? Certainly, we do not want to allow the pressure of our Christmas list to encourage us to miss what should be our primary concern — our own part in the gift-giving process before God and others.
Principles for Wise Gift-Giving
Now, we’re ready to think about the gifts. The book of Proverbs contains wisdom, a lens through which you can consider the gifts you give.
Principle One: The gift encourages growth — including spiritual growth, wisdom, intellect, and emotion (Proverbs 1:2-9; 8:13; 9:10; 10:27; 11:16; 15:33; 16:6; 19:1, 23; 22:1; 25:28). Solomon’s concern was that his son would grow to have both the knowledge and skill necessary to live life pleasing God and being a benefit to others. The process of growth begins with wisdom. Essential to wisdom is knowing the fear of the Lord and learning to receive instruction. Therefore, it is helpful anytime you can give a gift that encourages growth. The question to ask is: How does this gift encourage the receiver to grow as a well-rounded, God-fearing person?
Principle Two: The gift exalts godly values (Proverbs 1:10-18; 2:11-15; 3:29-31; 4:14-18; 12:20-21; 13:11; 16:29; 24:17). Today it may be hard to find and enjoy entertainment that promotes godly values. However, Solomon wanted his son to know the dangers of loving what is not God-honoring and neighbor-respecting. The question to ask is: Does this gift promote God, godliness, and love of neighbor? Or Does this gift exalt sin against others, blur lines of morality, or glamorize unwise living?
Principle Three: The gift promotes Bible memory and application (Proverbs 3:1-8). Solomon understood that a long and full life was only possible if the child would not let mercy or truth forsake him. The way Solomon presents the concept is two-fold: the teachings are not only to become a lifestyle; they are to become the child’s very nature. The benefits of such living are that you learn to acknowledge God in daily living, and God makes your path straight. The question to ask then is: In what ways does this gift promote learning and applying God’s Word to life?
Principle Four: The gift engenders time with parents and other godly people (Proverbs 4:1-13; 19:20; 22:17-21; 23:12, 19). It is interesting that parents often complain about children who do not engage in conversation around the home; yet, the same parent will give a gift that discourages time spent together. The question to ask here is: Does this gift engender time with others (parents, grandparents, other godly influencers)? Or Does this gift take time, energy, and focus away from such interactions?
Principle Five: The gift reinforces sexual morality (Proverbs 5:1-20; 6:20-35; 7:6-27). Solomon says that staying pure and not falling prey to the dripping lips of an adulterous woman is so important that the son should not even get on her sidewalk. Yet, believers struggle with saying no to some gifts that a child may want, though those gifts contain sexually explicit conduct, innuendos, or other “parts” that are on the path. The question to ask is: Does anything about this gift minimize the power and necessity of purity or the dangers and seduction of sexual impurity and lust?
Principle Six: The gift fosters a stewardship of time and/or work, rather than laziness (Proverbs 6:6-11; 10:26; 12:11, 24; 15:19; 19:15; 20:4; 24:30-34; 26:14-16). The transition over the past hundred years from farms to cities, from walking to driving, and from activity to inactivity makes this goal that much more important. Solomon’s concern is that the lazy person ruins his life. Therefore, in spite of the natural, cultural flow toward inactivity, the wise gift-giver will consider how his gift will encourage or discourage laziness. The question to ask is: In what ways does this gift spur activity, encourage movement, or promote action rather than making the road smooth toward laziness?
Principle Seven: The gift builds gratitude, discipline, and service to others rather than self-centered pleasure (Proverbs 16:8, 16; 17:1; 21:17; 27:20; 28:16, 27; 29:7; 30:7-9). Every person’s sin nature naturally promotes and accentuates self-centeredness. Solomon is concerned that the wise person learn gratitude (being thankful for what God has given and others have supplied), be disciplined (learning to say no to the self-indulgence of the flesh, temperance), and live a life of service to others. The question to ask is: Does this gift promote a growing engagement with others, a diligent lifestyle, a sacrificial service to others? Or does this gift in fact minimize those same things?
Principle Eight: The gift fulfills a purpose or fits a real need rather than what others have or is most popular (Proverbs 14:21, 22, 31; 23:17; 24:19-20; 28:16, 21; 29:25). It is so easy to choose to give “what another person has,” rather than what is needed. With children who are in school, it is easy for parents to want their kids to keep up with the other kids in the class. We often want to compare piles of stuff to see who comes out the best and biggest. However, Solomon warns against these temptations and suggests that the wise gift-giver considers what is best for the person receiving the gift, based on need, rather than what the neighbor has or might think. Furthermore, a concern for the poor and underprivileged should tend to temper what is desired or even provided. The question to ask is: In what ways does this gift fulfill legitimate need? Or is this gift just a “want” because someone else has it or it is most popular?
Enjoy shopping your Christmas list
Understand that any single gift will not take in all the principles at once. Sometimes a certain principle may not apply. That does not mean it is a bad gift. The point is, think about what the gift says about you and the recipient.
Christmas shopping does not have to be an overwhelming task. In fact, this Christmas, as you apply biblical principles, you may find it more enjoyable to give than to receive since you will be giving with a clear purpose and defined goals. With a careful eye to your own heart and with wisdom principles in hand, go enjoy the meditation of the Scripture, the conversations with family, and shopping. (By the way, I hope that was not you in the red minivan at 5:00 a.m. at the mall the day after Thanksgiving — if it was, please forgive me.)
Click on this link, Being a wise gift-giver , to read the article in its original longer form.